Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
