I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
