no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
i've created a new STD.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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