it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
