I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Randomize
