He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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