Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
