Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize