Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
