I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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