dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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