Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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