You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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