is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I smell like Dick and happiness
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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