and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
