I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
