I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize