The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
