They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
