There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
