Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
