he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
