True but thats because hes a fetus.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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