I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
