Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
