he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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