oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize