we made out on top of his cat.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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