see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
