I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
