I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
