These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize