I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
