I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
there was a trapeze. enough said
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
