I wish I could teleport
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
