Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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