I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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