i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
