Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
