Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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