Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
why do cheetos always look like penises
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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