I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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