with your own penis?
Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
