i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize