Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Just pee around me
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
