Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize