But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
