bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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