we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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