It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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