If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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