Where did you get a picture of my penis
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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