He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
She needs sedatives and a leash
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
not ubering you a puppy
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
