Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I have aggressive nipples.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
