ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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