wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
