It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
