oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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