Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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