I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
