I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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