I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
