yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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