Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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