so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
