you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
