My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
