I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
