I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
