help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
