What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
