how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize