Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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