zippers are such a cool invention
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
So vagazzling was a success
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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