if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
