Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize