Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
