Its about making memories worth repressing
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
It was confusing and full of hummus
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
