I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
