Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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