I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Is Oprah even human
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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