I don't think brook has ever known best
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
