READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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