My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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