I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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