I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
