so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
