Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
