Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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