did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
