I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
