the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
