Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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