You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
