I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
