His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
