Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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