Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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