Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
