Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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