So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
