I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
